Recently I was asked, "Is it a sin for me being a Christian to have friends that aren't Christians?" That's a loaded question, but one that deserves a thorough examination. I'll answer that question from two perspectives. The Bible speaks of specific principals for the believer. One, that Christians ARE NOT be unequally yoked (linked, joined, united) with unbelievers. And two, Christians are called to be separate from the world, to be "set apart" (which means to be holy. To be "holy" refers to a state of being set apart from defilement). Hopefully, by the end of this blog, you'll better understand what those two points actually mean. If believers are not supposed to be linked or joined with unbelievers, is God saying we are to have nothing to do with anyone who doesn't think like us, is of a different creed, race, or conviction? Well, the answer is no. We can be in the world, with other people, but not OF the world. Jesus even said when praying to His Father, "I do not pray that you should take them out of the world, but that You should keep them from the evil one. They are not of the world, just as I am not of this world" (John 17:15-16). Jesus calls us to be in the world, but not of the world, meaning, don't distance yourself from the secular crowd, but influence it! Don't yoke yourself to them and thus be influenced by them. When you understand your purpose in Christ, you can change the atmosphere and the culture. How? We are called to be salt and light (Matthew 5:13-16). Both salt and light change their surroundings do they not? Of course, they do! One brings flavor and the other brings clarity. Christians aren't just set apart from sin, we are set apart for a purpose, which is to influence the world for Christ.
We are to be set apart from the world. An easy explanation is, being set apart is personal separation involving an individuals commitment to a godly standard of behavior. Daniel practiced this separatism when he "resolved not to defile himself with royal food and wine" (Daniel 1:8). A modern example of personal separation could be the decision to decline invitations to parties where alcohol is served and the reputation of such events leads to unbridled sexual activities. Such a decision might be made in order to avoid temptation (Romans 13:14). to avoid "every kind of evil" (1 Thessalonians 5:22), or perhaps to simply be consistent with a personal conviction (Romans 14:5). Believers are called to fight and steer clear of sin when they see or perceive it. Our desire to be "set apart" is not to be haughty or to stand on higher ground, puffing out our chests so that we can look down on people, but glorify God in our actions. This does not mean our relationships with secular friends must end. No, we can still go shopping, camping, boating, fishing, playing golf, taking a ride in the country with them, etc. We are to avoid all appearances of evil which will require discernment, wisdom, and commitment to our faith. 2 Corinthians 6:17 admonishes, "Come out from them and be separate, says the Lord. Touch no unclean thing, and I will receive you." What does THAT mean? Touch no unclean thing? I use to wonder that myself.
"Touch no unclean thing" is basically to keep at the utmost distance every person or thing whereby you may be drawn into evil ..."Be not unequally yoked with unbelievers" (2 Corinthians 6:14). A day of swimming, boating, and fishing is an entirely different arena than going out to bars, drinking with friends that are drunkards, or partying where unabashed activities take place. We cannot sever all those who are outside of Christ. Otherwise, how will the lost hear? Who are the lost? All those destitute of true faith. We should not join in friendships or acquaintances with wicked or immoral unbelievers that practice sin and challenge us to join in. We chance of becoming entangled and ensnared. The Bible asks this question in 2 Corinthians 6:14-17, "For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and the devil? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: 'I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people.' Therefore come out from them and be separate, says the Lord." (also see 1 Peter 1:14-16). Come out and away from sin or the appearance thereof. Don't participate in the sins of the world any longer. Don't partake in your "friends" worldly activities. Rather, when you are together, always mirror Christ and let them become curious as to what has made us different than everyone else.
I have heard Christian pray and ask God for people to look at them and see something different about them. That's all well and good, but the point isn't for people to notice something about us, but it's for them to know the One who made us different. The real goal isn't for people to view us and say, "Wow, look how much different they are from the way they use to be" but to say, "Look how much they look like Jesus!" Our ambition shouldn't be for others to see how much we DON'T LOOK like the world, but instead to see how much WE DO LOOK LIKE JESUS. I recall a situation nearly 45 years ago. I was hospitalized for malnutrition. A nurse entered my room to sweep and change bed sheets and we happened to engage in conversation. At the time I had been a Christian for less than 1 year and I was still in my highly excitable, tell everyone about Jesus stage. I began testifying about loving Jesus and Him saving me. I presume the nurse was not saved because of her reaction. Her eyes widened as she approached the side of my bed. She leaned over and said, "Girl!! What is that in you?" I was taken back not knowing exactly what she was asking but nonetheless, I exclaimed, "It's Jesus!" She mumbled something under her breath. I didn't hear it all, only the last part, "I'm going to have to look into that!" To this day I'm still not sure if she literally SAW something in me or that she was fascinated by my exuberant testimony. For the next two days, she returned to my room every afternoon and I would ask if I could pray for her. She always let me. After that, I never saw her again. In closing, my point is, God's goal in setting us apart is not about taking us out of the world, but about Him taking the world out of us! By pursuing Christ, the things of the world lose their grip on us and we begin to shine in His glory. He wants us to conform to His image, not distance us from the world where the lost are.
Until next time,
-Pat-
Not being unequally yoked would also include a Christian marrying a non-Christian. Right from the start of the relationship there would be the issue of one spouse wanting to glorify God, be separate from certain activities etc. and the other spouse not really concerned about godly living or standards. Both would be spiritually at odds with one another. Even a business partnership between a believer and a non-believer can become complicated when each partner has a different way of wanting to conduct business. If a spouse becomes a Christian while married then Jesus was also clear that the person stay married to the unbelieving spouse. When my husband asked me to marry him, I at first said no. I knew as a Christian I could not marry someone who felt so strongly against what I believed! After prayer, God showed me that he would become a believer and he did! Seven months later we were married. As a Christian, I really should not have been dating an unbeliever; I had only known the Lord for about 3 yrs so the concept was still pretty new to me. God most definitely has set up those standards for a reason. One is to protect us from becoming involved with others who would draw us away from Him. We all know someone who has married an unbeliever feeling that they could convert them! And it never happens.
ReplyDeleteThanks Pat, for tackling another important subject. It's great that people are asking questions and wanting to know more about God's Word. 💗
That's correct, Diane. I didn't mention marriage because I wanted to tackle the direct question regarding having friends that aren't believers. But you're right as far as marriage. I can actually speak for the business partner side of it as well. I was asked to be the co-owner of a 'soon -to-open' travel business by someome who happened to be a non-believer. I was already the office manager in her therapy business at the time so the offer sounded wonderful. We were "friends" on the job and occasionally went out to lunch but nothing outside of work. Her goal was to break off into a new direction in her life so I was over-joyed at the prospect of being the co-owner of a business. I signed on. As time went by, our different "religious" beliefs began to interfere with our friendship, which I never took into consideration when I agreed to be co-owner, and eventually it affected the business. My Biblical beliefs began to irritate her and she would shrug any idea based on biblical principals. Needless to say, I learned the hard way. Because I listened to my own heart (to have a position as the co-owner of a company, to make excellent money, to challenge my skills, etc) never praying for direction from God about entering a partnership with her, THAT WAS A MISTAKE! Eventually her beliefs in eastern philosophies worked it's way into the decisions she was making. My Christians standards were viewed as soft, prudish, and not aggressive enough. I wanted to incorporate Christian values in our decisions but she wanted nothing to do with God's direction or prayer. I wanted to give to and promote our local charities with our abundance and she wanted to give money to Oprah's orphans in hopes her generosity would land us a TV spot on the Oprah show so we could get noticed nationwide. My goal was to help the poor on a discreet level taking no glory. She wanted to help the poor too, but her objective was to get recognition and fame through Oprah and, "your idea is counter-productive." She rejected not only my idea but all my ideas. As time went on, we were running our business but Oprah never contacted us though several letters were written and attempted phone calls made. We never thithed to the local poor in our area as I wanted because she was still waiting to give the money to Oprah the millionaire. Within three years our membership to the travel site began to wane.It wasn't going well at all. Unfortunately, my partner took her "mental health practice" from sessions with patients and turned it into a practice of guided afterlife connections. In other words, she became a medium, contacting the dead, and bringing them forward so the grieving patient could once again speak to the departed and their pets. Deuteronomy 18:11 tells us that anyone who “consults with the dead” is “detestable to the Lord.” It was obvious we had not only grown apart as friends and co-workers, but there was a spiritual gulf between us.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for sharing this experience, Pat! The perfect example of why we must have God's guidance and wisdom when making decisions about any kind of partnership with someone who does not believe as we do.
DeleteI have dozens of examples I could list regarding associating w/non-believers. the bible teaches lessons about being careful in this regard and with good reason. there truly is a difference between those living for Christ and those living to satisfy themselves and all the vices the body craves. it's so easy to get drug back into temptation by hanging out with people who don't who love the Lord, neither serve him. as you stated, "We should not join in friendships or acquaintances with wicked or immoral unbelievers that practice sin and challenge us to join in. We chance of becoming entangled and ensnared." very good teaching blog, pat.
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