If there is one verse that gets me fired up and defensive about, it’s Ephesians 5:22. Perhaps it's because I've not only seen people but know a few who use and abuse this verse for improper means and coercive control. This Scripture needs to be adequately defined, especially regarding the concept of submission. After listening to a young lady speak about her current marriage I decided I needed to share what the Bible means by:
"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” (Ephesians 5:22)
First, what do you think that scripture is asking of women who have entered into marriage vows? Think it through.
I'll get straight to the point. The number of men who use this verse to get their wives to do whatever they want when they please is humiliating and abhorring.
In Context: According to Scripture, Ephesians 5 was written by the Apostle Paul during the same time frame as Philippians. Calling us to walk in love, Paul explains how to love ourselves and our brothers and sisters in Christ and then extends this love to husbands and wives. Calling us to be careful how we walk, I find it highly ironic that so many men tell their wives "you have to do X" because Scripture says, "wives submit to their husbands." Sadly, this X is often filled with forced sexual pleasures, household duties, or whatever they see fit at the time.
While Scripture does make it clear that a husband and wife hand over their conjugal rights to one another once they are united as one, it is said that they do so out of love. It is not suitable for a husband to pressure or even force his wife to have sex with him. Is that love as Christ would love the Church as instructed in the Bible? Absolutely not. The scriptural wording is, "Husbands love your wives AS CHRIST LOVED THE CHURCH AND GAVE HIS LIFE FOR IT." Nowhere is it mentioned here or anywhere in scripture that sex can be used as submissive or coercive control. Reducing any verse in the Bible specifically about marriage and this topic is twisting and reducing GOD'S Word down to just sex and gives leeway to be used as a weapon . It is unconscionable and out of biblical context.
Often men pull that single sentence from Ephesians 5:22 without reading what comes right before or after it. Men will grab onto "sumbit submit," 'you have to do what I say" FOR SHEAR CONTROL. Yet, just one earlier verse #21, the Bible explicitly tells BOTH husbands and wives to "submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." Submission (and I'll get to that in a minute) is suppose to be a two-way street of humility, not a one-way hiearchy! You see, right after tellng wives to submit, the text commands husbands tolove their wives as Christ loved the church-which meant DYING FOR IT. Scripture is instructing men toward .. TOTAL SELF SACRIFICE, PROTECTION, AND LIFTING THE WIFE UP, never intimidating, dominating, or demanding physical compliance. (And yes, there is such a thing as spousal rape/marital rape and it is ILLEGAL IN ALL 50 STATES!)
The Christian marriage and commitment -WATCH THIS- given to men and women through mutual submission are spiritual. The Christian marriage and responsibility given to men and women through force, coercion, and unequal submission are secular and deathly. Unfortunately in our modern culture the word "submit" sounds like slavery, weakness, or having no say. In the original Greek context of NewTestament, the concept was about voluntary alignment and cooperation to create order and harmony just as Christ asks of His Church, and NOT ABOUT one person owning or controlling the other person's body. When a man feels entitled to control a relationship, he will naturally look for ways (in many cases even secular men using and somehow "knowing" that one verse from the Bible) in order to give him power. Thus reducing "submission" to sexual availability often using it as an excuse to satisy a selfish desire while trying to make that control look and sound "holy." Inevitably I will hear from males who want that control ask, "What about Corinthians 7:4-5? That tells me my wife's body belongs to me and not to deprive me. Isn't that saying she has to give her body to me everyday, every hour if I want?" In all fairness that verse talks about both bodies belonging to each other in fidelity and yes, empasizing mutual agreement.. MUTUAL .. equal rights your bodies belong soley to each other-it forbids one partner forcing or demanding anything from the other!
True BIBLICAL "submission" has nothing to do with forced intimacy, control, or being a doormat. It's always been about mutual respect, safety, and love. I can understand these Biblical principals both from a faith/religious perspective, but also from a psychological aspect coming from a medical/mental health employment background. It makes sense both spiritually and naturally! Controling a marriage or another person's body can stem from several realities: a lack if empathy on the husbands part, culural brainwashing, fear of vulnerablility, etc. Being controlled in a marriage, especially sexually, IS NOT A SPIRITUIAL DUTY or sign of "A GOOD WIFE." A marriage certificate is not a license for ownership. You didn't buy a slave. TRUE FAITH never demands that a woman surrender, consent, or inherent dignity to satisfy another person's demands.
Until He Comes,
-Pat-
No comments:
Post a Comment