Can you remember a time when you were ever made to feel despised, low-class, second-rate, unwanted, abandoned, and rejected? That was me! There was a time in my life when I felt very inferior to everyone else. I was 12 when my family moved into a new neighborhood which placed us into a new school district. I had to leave all the friends I made from kindergarten through the 6th grade. I had no choice but to adjust. It was a new school year and I was enrolled in my first algebra class. This was in 7th grade. From day one my teacher, Robert Rangle, ridiculed me for not understanding the basic elements of mathematics that everyone else in the class seemed to understand. I tried to explain I couldn't grasp the concept of fractions, but he responded by calling me “Stupid.” In fact, every day when he called the roll, instead of calling my name, he’d say, “Stupid Phillips, stand up you dummy. Let's get this over with.” Without a blink, Mr. Rangle would echo the same words each day, "Class you may be seated. Phillips, remain standing! Everyone pass your homework to the student behind you to be graded." I learned very quickly not to pass my paper to the student behind me! "Okay stupid, bring your homework up here to me." Every day my hands would shake as I approached the teacher's desk. My legs felt like they were dragging iron, and a knot would grip my stomach until I wanted to vomit. I knew what was next. He repeated the same chorus for 9 never-ending, relentless months ... "Okay, class. I want everyone's attention. Look up here." Mr. Rangle proceeded to hang my homework paper high in the air and announce, "Can everyone see this? Back of the room? This is what happens to stupid people. She is stupid. Can everyone say 'Phillips, you're stupid.' Come on. Say it." And they would. As the snickers, grins, and laughter resonated off the classroom walls he would tear my homework in half for all to witness announcing, "No sense grading this paper. She got an F. She's too stupid to even be in this class." Then my paper would be torn in fourths and tossed in the trash can without ever knowing if I got any answers correct. I could speak of other horrors like him slapping the back of my and head kicking my legs under the desk. Then there times he would stop at my desk after cruising the isles during a test only to burst out laughing and lean in close to taunt, "Why don't you stop now before you make a bigger fool of yourself."
My teacher's words negatively affected my self-image. For an entire school year, I was taunted, ridiculed, tormented and despised by both that teacher and those he convinced that I was a pariah to avoid. I had no friends that year. I was very alone. Other students thought it was funny to call me "stupid" and "idiot." The word spread. Everywhere I turned at school people yelled out, "Stupid ...hey, Stupid!" As a result of this abuse, the feelings of inferiority affected me for decades. DECADES! Even writing about it now causes tears to fill my eyes. But I'm sharing my story in hopes of helping others who remember feelings of being unwanted, being an outcast or rejected at some time or another in his or her life. Some people recover easily from these experiences by letting it roll off their backs. I wasn't so lucky.
Satan uses memories of rejection to keep others in an emotional prison for the rest of their lives. These are the people who never feel wanted and accepted, nor do they feel they can measure up to other people. It could be that I am describing some of you. Regardless of who you are, most if not all deal with issues of rejection or abandonment from time to time. The most important thing, and essential for our mental health, is the decision about how we are going to react when something like this occurs that brings about the feelings that we are rejected, unwanted, unworthy, stupid, "different." There are various scriptures you can turn to for comfort but one, in particular, is one God led me to during one of my low points. It helped to lift me out of how bad I was despised as a child. Read 1 Corinthians 1:28. It's uplifting! "And the base things of the world and things which are despised has God CHOSEN, yes, and things which are not, to bring to naught things that are" (KJV). WOW!!! This scripture has been a source of strength for me. God's Word is telling you and me, God chose what the world thinks is unimportant, base, stupid, insignificant or lowly, and what the world looks down on and despises, what they think is nothing, in order to destroy what the world thinks is important, right, or special. I don't know about you but that makes me jump for joy! To think God could use me in His Kingdom, a lady like me who was made to believe I was stupid, ignorant, and not worth the time of day is unfathomable. I mean, I'm writing for Him and my blogs are being read around the globe.
God saw worth in me and He sees worth in you! "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope for a future" Jeremiah 29:11 NIV. You may be or have been despised in the eyes of the world, but God has plans for you! He has seen your hurt, abandonment, and rejection. But God chooses what the world thinks is despicable and detestable and uses that to destroy the haughty and proud. This happens to believers in Christ as well. Again, I have been rejected, talked about, snuffed-off because of my Christian faith, but praise God He has strengthened me and promised me He will never leave or forsake me. IN HIM is my dwelling place. He is my refuge. I am at peace now regardless of verbal attacks or insults. HE CHOSE ME! The scripture I wrote above boldly announces that the people whom the world rejects are the very ones God has chosen. " For the wisdom of this world is foolishness with God. He takes the wise in their own craftiness" (1 Corinthians 3:19 KJV).
The Bible explains why the world despises Christians. 1 John 5:19 tells us, "The whole world lies in wickedness." As long as the world lies in the grip of wickedness, we may as well accept the fact the unbelieving world will mock and make fun of us, no matter what we do to try to get them to see the light of truth. It's just the way a lost world is going to act! For any believer in Christ Jesus, rather than let other people affect your self-image and confidence, you need to know who you are in Jesus Christ and hold your head up high. You have no reason to be embarrassed or ashamed. From the beginning of time, the lost world has ridiculed, made fun of, sarcastically accused, and debased the people of God. If the world hates you, remember it hated Jesus before it hated us (John 15:18). Jesus lives in us .. in our faith, our actions, our words, our beliefs. The world continues to hate Him, revile Him, and persecute Him. Jesus was also DESPISED AND REJECTED of men (Isaiah 53:3), so He knows how it feels. The best thing of all, for me as one who was labeled unintelligent and an imbecile, is that I am comforted to know God provided a way out of the heavy feeling of rejection by accepting me as I am. He has elevated and honored me. How? By choosing me to fulfill His high calling on my life. He can do the same for you!
Until next time,
-Pat-
**** A prayer of thanksgiving: Lord, I am so thankful that You chose me! Even though the devil has tried to use people to tell me that I would never be worth anything, You wanted me and sought me out until I finally heard your voice and surrendered to Your call. I am so grateful that the opinion of the world about me isn't true. I am so glad that You pursued me with such a mighty love that You refused to give up on me even when I became bitter and hard ... when I sought to be loved in the wrong places ... and when I blamed you for my misery. What else can I say to express my heart to You? I can only say, "THANK YOU, JESUS!'"
Oh Pat!!! How could a teacher like that not get reported? It's hard for me to even imagine how you ever stood it, except, of course, God. Did you tell your parents? I know I'm getting sidetracked from the point of this message but it's the first question that came to my mind. When my son was in grade school he would often times tell me he had a stomach ache and didn't feel well enough to go to school. After a few times of this I finally got him to tell me why he was feeling like this. He told me his teacher was very mean and when he got mad at a student, he would go over to him and turn his desk upside down and angrily emptied all it's contents. This happened on a regular basis. He humiliated those poor kids! It terrified my son who was a quiet and good boy. Well, I marched myself and my son up to the school and had a conference with the principle and that teacher. It changed not only the circumstances, but that teacher. He ended up being a very kind man who bought my son a pair of boots, which were badly needed, and continued to do kind things for him and others. We remained friends for years. Coincidentally, my son went on to be a college professor! My heart hurts for you and all you went through!! I kept reading hoping it would get better but it only got worse! I am SO thankful our Saviour was keeping his eye on his precious little daughter to help her overcome and realize her worth in HIM! What a testimony!! Praise God!!
ReplyDeleteChristi....when Pat told me this story years ago, I was as astonished as you are! How on earth could a teacher be allowed to abuse students so cruelly! What your poor son experienced was again, abuse! It's wonderful that despite his experience, your son accomplished so much! What would we do without Him!!
DeleteDiane, I just now saw your response to my post. Yes, we would be lost forever without HIM!! My son was an atheist for many years but when my mother's death was becoming apparent, I could see something changing in him. The two of them were very close. She and I prayed for him every single day. He spent a lot of time with her in her last days and their conversations often centered around Jesus. A few hours after she died my son said, I cannot say I'm an atheist anymore. I pray my mother knew that somehow. There have been more answers to her prayers since she's been with the Lord. She was a true servant. Oh how I miss her. My best friend and prayer partner but one day we'll see each other again face to face!!
DeleteChristi...I just came across your comment to me all these weeks later! Our elder son gave his life to Jesus at 13 yrs old but has since chosen to turn his back on God. He doesn't know what he believes he says. Our younger son has come back to his faith and is serving God now along with his wife. We have prayed for many yrs for both and I believe our elder son will one day serve God as well. They heard His Word all their lives and we know it will not return void but accomplish what it was sent forth to do.
DeleteI was very close to my mother too but we did not share the privilege of sharing our faith or praying together. What a joy to onow you will be united with her one day. I am going to believe that it will be our joy to some day live in eternity with both our boys! God bless!
Christi, first … I don't consider your comment off track. To answer and add a few things, yes I did tell my dad. He marched up to the school and laid into the teacher. Unfortunately, it made things even worse! I was then stood before the class and threatened openly never to do it again. I was not only "stupid" I was now a "baby" for telling on him and letting my dad know. The abuse doubled, the threats to hurt me and now my dad greater. I COULD WRITE A BOOK about all the things I endured. That teacher was fired 8 years later after breaking a boys arm!! I guess he tortured children after me as well. Regarding your son, I made excuses not to go to school as well. Once I even put a thermometer on a light bulb to make the mercury rise, telling my mom I really felt sick. It actually worked. So many kids suffer bullying today. It should be a crime worthy of jail or juvenile hall. It is not a temporary thing, it stays with you your entire life. The memories are still very vivid. I hurt for kids that are bullied in this unstable, crazy society. Your son recovered well. I bet he is one of the nicest professors in college knowing what it felt like to be humiliated in front of an entire classroom and he's not about to intimidate any student. I don't know how I made it either because it also affected my physical health. If my eyes filled with tears or my lip trembled, there would be an onslaught of verbal bashing to shut up, stop it, don't you dare cry!! GOD had His hand on me. He's never let go. He knew the ending. It's where I am today - safe in His arms serving Him as best as I can.
ReplyDeleteIt must be something with Math teachers!! My Grade 8, 9 Math teacher, Mrs. Payne (the only teacher's name I remember by the way!) so disliked me, it was obvious!! She was not abusive like your teacher, Pat, but because I didn't understand anything about Algebra, she basically had no time for me! I couldn't see the board because I didn't have glasses yet so I had to sit up front. That in itself, was an embarrassement, let alone the fact that my teacher acted as if I didn't exist. I was paired with a "brilliant" Math student, Angela, who was given the dire task of teaching me Algebra and Trig. Poor girl! I never have understood Math! I was as skinny as a toothpick, sometimes wore two pairs of pants over one another, eventually wore glasses, so you can imagine how I felt. I was made fun of at every turn. I never thought of it as bullying but looking back that is exactly what it was! I was bullied by a teacher too! Pat, your teacher was plainly abusive and should have not been allowed to teach in any school whatsoever! I remember you telling me this story a number of years ago. It is criminal he had another 8 yrs to abuse more children and eventually break a child's arm before the School Board acted....shame on them! And we know, this type of abuse and bullying continues, even now to the point where children are pushed to taking their own lives!! What an ugly world we live in. As Christians now, we have learned that Jesus knows what we went through because He, Himself, was treated shamefully and abusively by His own people. More and more Christians in this world are being stripped of their rights, in some countries they are being terrorized and slaughtered. I am so thankful too, that God looks at me as His daughter. He has said He will meet all our needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus! He doesn't see us as those teachers or other students saw us back then, He sees us becoming daily more and more like His Son! :-)
ReplyDeleteThank God, Diane, that He didn't see nor does He see us as others in our past have! I look back and wonder how I survived. I only spoke about a tiny part of Mr. Rangles' entire abuse. You were bullied. I was bullied, Christi's on was bullied. That word didn't exist in anyone's vocabulary then. The damage that people cause just by words is great and lasting. God tells us in His Word that the tongue has incredible power. We can use our tongue to bring blessings and life or curses and death. The saying "sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me" is simply not true. Our tongues can be the most difficult thing to control and leave us with great regret if we use our words to hurt.
ReplyDeleteI wanted to comment and say, just to let you know, both dani and I think you are a wonderful, intelligent, knowledgeable lady that is helping to lead many hearts and minds in the right direction. the wisdom you have shines with the touch of God! Your teacher was a sick man. I cannot write what I would have done had you been my little girl. i'm sorry it happened to you, pat. I agree with chrisi in that i'm glad the lord kept his eye on you. you are worth so much to my family and so much more to the lord. you are smart and beautiful. we all care very much for you. thank you.
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